Good days vs good life
“There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage sweet. Who would call a day spent reading a good day? But a life spent reading -- that is a good life.” ― Annie Dillard, The Writing Life
When I first moved to LA my wife and I were invited to the engagement party of the kid of an old Hollywood legend. While Morgan Freeman was chatting with my wife, I was talking to a director who had directed some of the biggest blockbusters in Hollywood. I asked him for one piece of advice for a young person moving to LA.
He replied, “Always know what’s real. Hollywood can be a lot of fun. But at the end of the day, even if I’m on a set far away I always make sure I’m home for dinner with my family at 6pm on a Friday. It's the only thing that's real.”
Now nine years after this conversation, I finally start to understand what he meant. I’ve now had countless crazy stories to tell. At times I clung to them to make myself believe I was living a good life. But these were just good (or crazy or interesting) days.
A good life, however, isn't just a string of good days – instead, a good life has fundamentally different building blocks.
It’s the slow stuff that makes for a good life. It’s the stuff that day to day can look almost boring, but then you look back after a year, or two, or three and think this is a good life.
A great life is boringly working on something that matters to you. Where the work matters. Not for the outcome, but because the work itself is enough.
I come to think that there are two lines, the black is real life. It’s day-to-day. It’s based on your friendships, your character, your health, your family, your day-to-day work. This is the baseline.
And then you got the red line. These are the peaks. It's the day when you close a big deal. When you get an award. When you get recognized on the street. When you’re in the room where it happens. When you hook up with a hot person.
Now, a great life is the black line getting into the upper right corner. It’s independent of the red line.
Coming down to the black line after a bunch of high peaks, or a succession of peaks, can be rough. The higher the peaks in red and the more neglected your day-to-day life, the bigger the delta can become.
Freddie Mercury calls it "The in-between moments, I suppose. I find them intolerable. All of the darkness you thought you left behind comes creeping back in."
I’ve been there. My day-to-day life at times was maybe not intolerable, but not very fulfilling, either. But I had enough crazy peaks that I’d rescue myself from one to the next. But as Annie Dillard says "it requires more and more".
Now I understand the black line is real life. That’s what it’s about.
And with that mindset, I could also begin to just enjoy the red peaks, without dreading going back to the black line – on the one hand, because slowly, my baseline had become so much higher, and because I saw the peaks for what they were. I didn't need to cling to them, but I could see them as the cherry on top.